[Luckywoman]

I've read in a Dutch newspaper article: An Indian female minister tells most Indian men are not faithfull to their spouses.
They visit whores, have mistresses, or sexgirlfriends.
Is this true???
I'm a Dutch woman and I know, the outside world don't think highly of us Dutchmen when it comes to morals and faithfullness, but in my experience this isn't so.
OK, some have girlfriends, some are not happy in their marriage and take sidesteps, there are divorces, and unhappy marriages, but nothing is hidden by the cover of culture or tradition or religion.
It's just one discovers sooner or later that characters don't mix, or that one has strong feelings for somebody else than their original partner.
Question from a western woman: How do Indian women cope with this issue?
I mean, for every unfaithfull Indian man there must be a cooperating (Indian?) woman.
Adultery is a matter of at least 2 persons, isn't it?
Do Indian women accept adultery from their husbands and/or do they want the same privileges for themselves?
I'm puzzled about this phenomenem.
I mean, for every man who gets outdoor sex, there must be a willing woman (or a man, or whatever)
I just wonder.
Since it's not done in India to talk about sex, or relations, I thought to ask my questions here, on Indiatree.
Maybe someone can give me an honest answer.
In Holland, we are openminded, but also responsible.
It's not at all that people only think of their own pleasures.
But if a relation doesn't work out as expected, we don't have to invent all kinds of excuses.
Most people just are honest about their "mistakes, accept their failures, and allow eachother to try to make a new life with another partner.
How is this in India?
And specially, how is this for women in India?
As I said before, every adulterous man needs someone to be adulterous with.
Everything what the outside world hears about Indian women is that they are submissive, faithfull to their spouses and family-in-law, but what about their feelings and needs? A woman is a woman, I think, no matter in which country she lives.
Can culture and tradition overrule feelings?
I honestly don't think so, but I would be very pleased with some answers on this obvious delicate matter.
Let Indian women respond on this (if necessary on PM).
I really am interested to know.

[noflylist]

I deny and am sticking to my story.  

[Hyderabadi]

I think she made that statement in the context of India's HIV/AIDS problem. Ms. Renuka Chowdhury ( from my home state of AP) is known as a 'firebrand', 'outspoken' person and did that emphasise and draw attention to a problem.

Most Indian men I know are faithful to their spouses. I'm sure that not all Indian men are Lord Shri Ramas but I can confirm that most of them are not Lord Shri Krishnas either.

Quote

“You cannot trust men or your husbands, with apologies to the men present here,” Chowdhury told the inaugural meeting of the National Women Forum of the Indian Network of People Living with HIV/AIDS.

Quote

“If you believe that men will be careful, then you can forget about protecting yourselves,” she said. “Men will not buy a condom when they come staggering home while drunk,” she added, evoking laughter from the audience that included a few men.

Quote

“It’s men who are mostly on the move — travelling or driving trucks or working as migrant labour — and men in such situations are more likely to indulge in high-risk sexual behaviour,” said a health official. “But it’s only from anecdotal data.” It is assumed that men away from their homes are more likely to visit sex workers, pick up the virus, and transmit it to their wives.

Quote

“We are hypocrites. We have a 1 billion population and don’t want to talk about sex,” Chowdhury told reporters, alluding to the refusal of some state governments to implement sex education, ostensibly because it goes against Indian culture.

http://www.telegraph...ory_8069243.asp

http://www.asha-foun...a_chowdhury.php

http://en.wikipedia....enuka_Chowdhury

[malkers]

Across the world both men and women commit adultery for whatever reason, I can't imagine India is better or worse than anywhere else!

In my whole life I've never strayed nor would I, my ex wife however had other ideas and was adulterous throughout our marriage, oh how I miss her!!  

[Spice Odyssey]

 malkers, on Aug 29 2007, 12:37 AM, said:

Across the world both men and women commit adultery for whatever reason, I can't imagine India is better or worse than anywhere else!

In my whole life I've never strayed nor would I, my ex wife however had other ideas and was adulterous throughout our marriage, oh how I miss her!!  

Hi agree to most of the comments here.. there is always two sides to a coin. They all try to justify their deeds with their own reasons. The occurance of extra-marital affairs are becoming more with the new work culture. Men and women are spending more time at work and at odd hours. They interact and develop relationships which leads to sexual realationships.  I have read an article about this in a popular regional news paper. Both men and women are indulging in such relationships with more freedom these days.
If you really want to know the women's status in the culture, please read my recent posting about the caste system in India. The women's status is clearly mentioned in that...
Things have changed now.. but in the  conservative families women still do not have the final say on anything. Still India is a man's world!!
There are still men and women who are committed to their legal partners. So all is not lost yet!!!

[digital drifter]

While not going into the details of the story, the logic of it sounds odd.

If someone is cheating on his/her spouse, it stands to reason that there is another person involved, of the OTHER SEX.(ummm...probably; yes, sex dolls, LGTB are not counted for the moment), so the notion of men or women account for a HIGHER proportion of cheating is always puzzling to me.

As I see it, it takes 2 to fornicate.

Well, that's just me, I guess.

[malkers]

DD, the person that the married person is doing it with could well be single and unaware of their partners cheating status, therefore that person would not be cheating on anyone.

Ok, I've spent long enough trying to figure out what LGTB is?  Please enlighten me/us!  

[digital drifter]

lesbian,gays,transsexual, bisexual.


I think.

Full spectrum coverage, heh?

[Luckywoman]

 digital drifter, on Nov 6 2007, 07:14 PM, said:

lesbian,gays,transsexual, bisexual.


I think.

Full spectrum coverage, heh?

Yes, full spectrum coverage, but still not an answer to my questions.
Is India still that country where married people stick together, even against all odds, or is a divorce not so uncommon, not so outside societyrules nowadays?
And I don't mean if adultery is allowed for men, as long as it's kept a secret for the outsideworld.
I mean, in an equal relation, where the man is as important as the woman, is it possible to accept that you've made the wrong decision in the past and that the 2 of you don't fit? Is it possible to allow each other to make a new beginning?

[kavindra]

LuckyWoman - I'd think the full spectrum of Indian population is not well represented here. I imagine that there are (large) segments where divorce is still quite uncommon and deprecated. Even when it is available, women are often not in a financial position to follow through - not to mention the stigma that is perhaps still carried in parts of the society. At the same time, in other (growing but small) segments of the society, that's changing.

Clearly, the difficulties with divorce in segments of the society lead to far deeper attempts at staying in the relationship than would be the case in the Western societies. In certain instances, this can be a good thing as sometimes not enough investment in relationships are made by some in the West. In other instances, it can and does lead to abusive and dishonest relationships. But, such relationships exist in the West as well - and prevalence varies by segments of the society.

I have to believe that the statement you started with - "most Indian men are not faithfull to their spouses. They visit whores, have mistresses, or sexgirlfriends" is quite inaccurate in general - but there might be segments where it is not off the mark. I am personally not familiar with any such segment myself.

Not sure how factual and grounded my responses above are as I haven't lived in India for 25 years. However, I know and see enough of India to find your premise to be flawed - even though I have come across problematic as well as downright abusive relationship situations in India.

[priya]

 malkers, on Nov 6 2007, 04:13 PM, said:

Ok, I've spent long enough trying to figure out what LGTB is?  Please enlighten me/us!  

I'm so glad you asked this question...Now I can feel enlightened

 digital drifter, on Nov 6 2007, 07:14 PM, said:

lesbian,gays,transsexual, bisexual.
I think.

Full spectrum coverage, heh?

If I want to know anything in the future DD, I'll ask you, okay???   Pretty switched on!

[digital drifter]

ummm....no, all I ever wanted to know I got from this site (apparently true journal)

http://www.improvres...om/mb/tpcs1.php

It's about someone called Ali Davis who worked as an adult video store rental clerk.

After you read that, your knowledge of what's kinky and far out will be expanded.

Personally, I found that journal entries slightly therapeutic,growing up in the mid 20s. It was a relief to know that I was not some weirdo with serious sexual issues.

Man, other dudes have off the scale desires.

Probably NSFW.

[malkers]

 digital drifter, on Nov 7 2007, 04:37 PM, said:

Probably NSFW.

Not so f**king weird????  North South Feast West, Never Seen Further West, Nasty Son of Fat Whore, ???

Its like reading India Times, full of abbreviations and nobody (even the writer) has a clue what they stand for!  

[digital drifter]

Not safe for work

meaning not meant to be read in an office place.

[malkers]

 digital drifter, on Nov 8 2007, 03:19 PM, said:

Not safe for work

meaning not meant to be read in an office place.

    Seriously DD, is that a known abreviation?  I honestly don't believe a soul on here would have known what that meant!

TOYAH

[SHOPPEGIRL]

Luckywoman~

I don't know what nationality you are, but I can tell you, being an American Woman married to an Indian Man, I find Indian men to be VERY faithful and family oriented. In every culture you find BOTH unfaithful men and women. If you try to label "Indian Men" as being unfaithful and experience the culture untrustingly, then you will be blind to how beautiful the country and people are.

No culture or race is perfect. I will not lie, there are men and women out their that are not interested in long term relationships, however, in my experience with Indian men, I find they are loving, loyal, and very protective of their family.

Hope this helps.

Shoppegirl

[gautam]

A very warm welcome Shoppegirl. Your family [in the widest sense, in-laws too] is very fortunate to have someone with such a loving heart be their center. May all that is auspicious attend you and yours for all time.

We hope you write about your experiences: cross-cultural marriages can provide a fund of unintentional humor, such as the things you positively hate to eat, but your loving MIL carefully insists on serving you!! The best thing though, is that in a world riven by anger and narrow prejudices, marriages like yours cause these to lessen, see old ways of thinking on the part of the older generation change, yet via the upsurge of affection and kinship, not force or moralizing. Best of will be your children belonging happily to multiple cultures and nations by birthright, harbingers of a better and saner world, we pray.

Have you come across the funny Indian way of explaining their origins? If you ask someone where they are from, they will say, when replying in English, Basically [that famous word], I am from such and such, but my parents lived at xy and now I am settled at z. They want to convey that the family has its roots somewhere, but the exigencies of work and life has led them on a merry chase across India, and they don't want people to forget where they are from.

I wonder if your children mischievously might reply, Basically, I am from the world, but my parents live at xx and I live at z. Please show your husband this; he [and you] might get a good laugh.

Warmest regards

gautam

Edited by gautam, 12 November 2007 - 09:28 AM.

[batistuta]

Adultery is quite common here in Bangalore as is cheating on Girl-friends. There is a concept of FB too which is slowly gaining prevalence. Then there are  swingers club and wife-swapping is not unheard of either.  

So, Indian men being more loyal than others is a Myth. ( I can only speak from a Bangalore Pov  and many of these things which i mentioned won't be the norm in Rest of India)

[malkers]

Ok folks, today's challenge is to work out what FB means in the post above this one as I'm damn sure nobody else knows, I did manage to work out POV though!

Here's my guess, Fried Bollocks!      Which is what the woman does to the man when she finds him cheating!

[vinayverma]

is FB = Free Breakfast?