Alonso's letter to Pedro
With its well-placed sources, Planet-F1 has obtained copies of letters between Fernando Alonso and his Mexican cousin Pedro who lives in the United States. Find out what Fernando really thinks about his rookie team-mate.
To Cousin Pedro, Preston, Idaho
Ay ay ay, no es bueno!
Too bad your cousins could not lend you a ride to the USGP, but maybe next year is better time to come.
I am sorry to say this but I have the difficult time in F1 right now. Not with Schumacher either. You remember him from last year. I called him the smiling assassin. He smiles at you while driving you off the road. His wife, she make him stop racing so he is not in F1 any more.
I have the difficult time with my new ingles team, Mac Laren. They say they give me the fastest car on the grid. They even know about you. They say, "Hey, we got a Pedro like your cousin Pedro, too - Pedro de la Rosa, he will be your team-mate next year."
But when I get there, they say "amigo, big change of plan". Is no longer the Pedro guy, is the Lewis guy. They hire the fast young black driver to upset me. As soon as they know they have No.1 on their car, they don' care about me.
Okay, so I know you hear this story before.
I remember the letter I send you after the Chinese Grand Prix last year. You know "Renault don't want me to win, Ferrari have paid Flavio $10 million to give goodbye present to Schumacher". Maybe I go poco loco that time.
But this year I know is true Mac Laren don't want me to win. Because they are making all the big sponsorship deals with Lewis. I am a double campion del mundo, he has sat in a car for seven races.
And they never see the real side of Lewis Hamil-ton
Dios mio! if the public knew the truth about the real Lewis Hamil-ton. He is not this sweet kid with the good manners. The minute the journalists go and the TV cameras are switched off, he turns back into his real self, the gangsta rapper.
His first words to me when I get into practice debriefing is, "Yo ya Spanish mo fo!"
I cannot explain what "mo fo" means but trust me Pedro, is bad bad phrase. At the last grand prix there is this US guy who wants to sign up Lewis. In the garage I hear him say to Lewis's father: "The kid aint got no bling Ant-ny." But actually Ron has banned Lewis's bling from fly-away races because of the weight restrictions. If they weighed Lewis's bling it would probably be the same weight as Takuma Sato.
When Ron Dennis tell us that we are free to decide our own fuel strategy for the USGP Lewis says "Fo sho, G dawg!" and when he and his mechanics have decided it in secret, he tells them "Bruthas, keep it on the D. lo."
That is why I am not comfortable at Mac Laren. They know what they have to do to make me comfortable.
1. Lewis must talk properly all the time..
2. I would like a full apology over what happened to the Spanish Armada.
3. They must hand back the Malvinas.
4. Manuel in Fawlty towers must be dubbed as 'Jerzec', the stupid Polish waiter.
5. Nobody to remind me that General Franco also came from Asturias and liked getting his own way, all the time.
We shall see how Mac Laren respond. I tell you soon
Your cousin, Fernando.